i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
