Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
