I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
