I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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