we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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