He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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