Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
