Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
