So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
