Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
