She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
