so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
