I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
