i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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