is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
