Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
