His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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