Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
