we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
