So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
