Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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