Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love you. Go after that dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
