dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
