I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
