halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
