Don't you send me to vm
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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