drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
