when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
