Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
