i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
