So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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