The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
