i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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