brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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