i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
