Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
