I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
