Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
