I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
