I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
