I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
