She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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