Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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