Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
