Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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