I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
