All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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