I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
then he tried to convert me to islam
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
