Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
