I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sobbing to NWA
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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