On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
