Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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